The next family in our adoption series is Robin and Scott.
Robin and I were classmates in high school. I am so happy to be
able to share their story of adoption. This story includes a son that
Robin gave birth to. Many families grow their family through adoption
before or after giving birth to a child. It's done for many different
reasons and today you get to hear theirs. Just like many, their adoption
story has twists and turns, but in the end joy was brought to their family!
In the fall of 2003, we had ended our attempts at fertility
treatments to get pregnant. I was physically, emotionally and spiritually
exhausted. I mentioned to my husband that I would love to adopt, I felt
that God had shut (more like slammed) the door on pregnancy. Yet I felt
He was leading us to adoption. Scott, at the time, was adamant he could
not love a child that was not physically his. I let it go for awhile, as
I was in nursing school and just needed time to clear my head and not think
about babies for awhile!
One day Scott came home from work, (he owns a carpet store) and
said he had measured someone’s house that had adopted. After visiting with them
he was all over adopting! I think God knew what he needed! Like I
said, I was in nursing school so it was the spring of 2004 before I got all our
stuff to two attorneys. It was hard balancing school and my
family!
We got a call from one attorney shortly after we submitted our
paperwork. The birth mother had participated in using illegal drugs so the baby had
some medical issues from that experience in the womb. The mother had also
been diagnosed with AIDS. At that time, we did
not feel we could handle caring for the child. We did not proceed with
it.
The seasons changed and soon it was winter, I was working part
time now as a nurse and really enjoying life! One Sunday at the end of
January, my husband mentioned that we should turn the baby’s room into an
office. After all he didn’t think we would adopt, he had given up hope. I
left the room and cried!
God's timing amazes me as two days later, we got a call from the
attorney in Wichita. He had a young girl who did not look at our profile,
she only asked that we were catholic, mother works part time or less, we have
pets, we had fertility issues and the kicker, was the baby was biracial.
We were elated to get the call! We immediately said yes!
That was February 1, 2005, the baby was due in early May. In
late March, the attorney called and said the birthfather may fight the adoption, we were devastated!
Not only that, the birth mom's mother had googled us and found out everything
about us for $50. Needless to say the birth mom was livid! She
wanted it a closed adoption. The attorney was able to get the mom calmed
down and things began to proceed.
The birth mom went to Minnesota to live with a
family they were close to so she could deliver there, as her dad was a
physician in the area they live, so there would be no privacy. It was decided to induce her on April 28th.
We
purchased plane tickets to fly up that day, as she didn’t want us there for
delivery, but we could be there later. So, after all the uncertainties, I
went baby shopping on Monday the
25th.
As soon
as I got home the attorney called and said things might be sooner! We went
and ate dinner and then I went to work on my older son’s float. I got a
call that the birth mom's water had broke and delivery would be
soon! I called my husband, we called the airlines, they would not budge
on changing our tickets! So my husband said, that’s our son, he needs us there,
we are driving! We packed, my brother came and got our 5 year old, we took the
dogs to the vet and hit the road around 9 p.m.! We stopped in Liberty, MO at 12:30 to sleep. At 6:45 the attorney called and said he was born
at 5:19 am and he was healthy! We quickly
got ready, grabbed breakfast, filled gas and was on the road again by 7:45 am!
We arrived at the hospital around 3:15 pm.
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Our son
was in a level 2 nursery and had one nurse who was with him the whole time for
security. They did not realize that we knew he was biracial, they were
relieved when we told them we were already aware! He was
perfect!
That
evening the attorney called and had notified the birth dad. He said he would fight
for custody. We were allowed to go home the next morning after he was
circumcised, we drove the whole 10 hours! After we got home the battle
began. I would feed him at night, and wonder how I could give him up, I
prayed that God would not allow that to happen!
A hearing
was set for the end of May. We wanted to have our son baptized in the
Catholic faith in early June. The priest told us to go ahead with it,
because baptism is a sign you are turning your child back over to God, for His
will to be done, and he felt God would honor our faith!
After the
hearing we waited 4 weeks for a decision from the judge! The attorney
called in early July and told us we were granted our son! We had to wait
30 days for the father to contest, before we could finalize the adoption.
Well, at the end of 30 days the Sedgwick County Courthouse was on lockdown so BTK could tell his crime stories. So
on August 26th,
his 4 month birthdate he officially became ours!
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There is
more to our story, so don't stop reading now! For 3 years we heard nothing
from any birthparents!
Then one day we got a call from the attorney, the birth mom's family had
googled themselves and found an online ad looking for our son, which mentioned
the family’s name and that he was biracial. But it was up to us what we
wanted done, so we asked it be removed, and we get a health history and
pictures from the dad. He was married by this point and had a daughter
exactly 1 year younger than our son. Within 10 minutes he was at the
attorney’s office with the required papers.
The birthfather asked for pictures too. We sent a
letter written from our son’s point of view about his life to that point along
with pictures of him and sent it to the attorney for the dad. We knew
where things were going now! A few weeks later we got a packet from the
attorney and it had tons of pictures of the dad, his family, his daughter and
wife, along with letters.
Then a
couple of weeks later, we got a call from the attorney, the birth father was being sent to Afghanistan (he was in the
Air Force) for a year. We agreed to meet at the attorney’s office, we
felt this was the least we could do for him. He is a great man, he truly cares,
but unfortunately did not know how the laws work to keep his son. He is
perfectly happy with how it all ended up. After the meeting we had them
to our house for dinner, one thing, him and his wife have also included our
older son as one of their kids too! While he was serving, he was almost
killed in the line of duty. After his return we had regular dinners with
them, they have watched our boys for us and we have watched their daughter for
them.
Unfortunately,
he is in the military and so a few years ago, he was moved to Georgia! We
still keep in contact, he always calls on our son’s birthday, they remember
both boys at Christmas and their birthday! We had so many struggles, but
God knew the grander plan and He knew what was in the future. We still don’t
have contact with the birth mom,
but we have mutual acquaintances that keep us informed as to what she is doing
now. We still send a Christmas letter to the attorney and current
pictures every year, in hopes that some day she will want to meet him. We
were told that she said that if our son chose to meet her she would agree, she
didn’t think he should ever suffer!
Our son
still does not know he is adopted, and honestly, I rarely think of him as that,
he is ours, but when he questions it, I will be honest and tell him his unique
story. While adoption was wonderful for us, I do understand it
truly is not for everyone. To me, it was harder than labor, emotionally
but in the end it was all worth it! He is the perfect piece to our family
puzzle, God truly knows what he is doing!
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